I know this is a little late and that by now all blogs are posting about the future and bettering yourself rather than lessons learned in 2018. Imma go ahead and continue reflecting, for there is no way to move forward without learning from the past.
Sitting in bed, scrolling through Pinterest, I began thinking about how hard people right now were working to be perfect or to better themselves. I saw posts about cleaning, organizing, blogging, morning routines, and tips on how to make x, y, and z easier.
Don’t get me wrong I am all for new year better me this year, however, I began to wonder how one could follow these tips and read these articles but remain themselves.
Believe me I’ve gone through phases. Hundreds. I have learned there is a difference between pasting a patch or fake life over your own and actually adopting tips and routines to a point that you are still yourself only with slight improvements in lifestyle.
Let me brake things down a bit more. You can decide this year I am going to be the healthiest I can be both mentally and physically. You can begin to look at articles that teach you how to get in touch with yourself and love yourself. You can start following guides on how to live your life. Eat all natural, increase super foods, live a more active life, try meditation, try yoga, travel the world to increase global awareness. All of this is great. The problem is all of this isn’t necessarily you.
The two main issues with these types of lifestyle change are:
- It’s so not you or its so different to what you normally do or normally like that it becomes only a short lived fad.
- It serves as a patch over your personality. You become who the articles say you are rather than who you truly are or can be. You let the lifestyle change become the only thing about you. Different types of lifestyles fit different types of people. So, if you throw yourself head first into a lifestyle that isn’t right for you, you may, ironically, rather than getting to know yourself better, you can loose yourself completely.
I believe we have all probably experienced failed new years resolutions or health phases coming and going. So I don’t think I need to elaborate on the first issue.
The second issue, I learned in 2018. It was an ironic story from beginning to end. But basically, I ran into a former teammate of mine who had just returned from India. We began to hang out and become friends. She was basically a hippy. Loved waking up early and doing yoga, meditating multiple times a day, making all natural high spiritual energy food, doing everything last minute and on the spur of the moment. I had no problem with this and would join her for a lot of it.
The issue that revealed itself is that this girl was so consumed with getting to know herself and improving her life that she didn’t in fact give a crap about anyone. If a friend was facing an issue she would stop being friends with them because they ‘were bad energy’. She didn’t care about the effect her actions had on other people. She took the self care too far by loosing the part of her that used to care for others.
I tend to be selfless with friends. Often to the point where let her treat me like shit. It wasn’t until I was left phone-less, penniless, and alone in the middle of manhattan at 2am, exhausted from having been searching for her where we were meant to meet up for 6 hours. That I began to think I may deserve better. The next morning, after finding my way home some how, when she messaged me “I had a great time, so I’m not going to apologize” that I realized this peace, love, and happiness seeking hippy seeked those things only for herself.
I will most likely follow up on this topic and the things I learned from these experiences in the future. However, my point before ending this part of this post is, when seeking yourself as part of your new years resolution, be careful not to loose the part of you that loves and cares for others as well.