Poetic Thoughts

“I’m so tired of people walking in and out of my life. Being there one second and gone the next. I crave something real.

– S. C. C.

“I smile. I laugh. Then I laugh harder when think of how terrible it must be to see me so happy. They think they destroyed me- they think they accomplished something- anything. They thought there words had power and maybe at one point they did. But now? Now I laugh at the people who feel like failures because of my joy.

– S. C. C.

“Where you a star or the sun? Stars are always there just sometimes you can’t see them. The sun abandons us fully when it leaves. Only remaining light the moons reflection of its brilliance. So? Did you abandon me? Or could I just not see you there.”

– S. C. C.

“Anger gathers in drops and roll down my face.
Anger forms words and sentences I know and hope will cut like knives.
Anger unearths my buried desire to leave in the most eternal way.
Anger makes me throw knives and words at who ever is closest –
For if I can make them hate me like I do-
There would truly be no loss in my death”

– S. C. C.

“Such a fool- a fool obsessed with chaos and mess.
Playing with danger.
Teasing the odds.
I know the risks but I taunt them anyways”

– S. C. C.

“Last year I called you at midnight to go out. This year I called you at midnight crying my heart out. What once led to an adventure filled night now led only to the tell tale click when you hung up.”

– S. C. C.

“Dark room
long nights
hours of waiting that I conveniently forgot.
buzzed thoughts
Air conditioning
closing eyes
I think I knew, even then, all of this was fleeting”

– S. C. C.

“It’s 1am and I’m realizing I don’t have that person to turn to. I don’t have that late night-last minute- all hours confidant who will stay up talking about everything possible with. These are the sad 1am’s”

– S. C. C.

“I love you! 
I want to scream in there face,
I love you god damn it!
You have been there for me when I was at my worst and you changed it into the very best. You can’t just leave me now. 
No good bye?
Just gone? 
You cant disappear. 
Not after all the birthdays, christmases, and memories.
Yes you left me yes your breaking me and I should forget you. 
But I cant because I love you.”

– S. C. C.

“I’m starting to realize the worst part of anything is when it starts to end. You will never be farther from your next smile than when your current one starts to die.

– S. C. C.

“I never realized how important I made you to me until I choose a second with you over escaping my reality.

-S. C. C

“We all have those people in our lives who flake more than they follow through. Yet when they do follow through you are bound to have a fantastic time. So you put up with the ups and downs for the possibility of a unforgettable evening. In 1 hour I will either be having a blast with some of my favorite people. Or regretting the trust I put in them.

– S. C. C.

“There are those moments of deep connection you have with only your eyes. Only after you have laughed a bit or built up your self esteem you find yourself even able to hold a gaze. But, when you do, maybe there talking and you look at them in support. A smile upon your lips and you silently push them forward. Willing confidence to fill them. They try to share there eye contact with the room but fail, always returning to you. There still talking you realize. You haven’t heard a thing. You are too deeply lost in thought about how intimate searching in others eyes can be.”

– S.C.C

“I’m so tired of feeling hoarse from screaming the same thing and empty because I hate that thing. I don’t know how many ways I can say that I know. I know they probably say shit about me. I know I’m an easy target. I know I shouldn’t hang with people who don’t love me like I love them. I know I shouldn’t defend people who couldn’t bother to do the same. But I need to. You don’t understand I need to. They are the one moment of color in a black and white movie. I know they don’t deserve my heart or my trust or my faith. But they still are the closest thing to deserving of it that I have yet to see. So I guess I’m setting myself up for this type of pain because I’d rather live in a world where I know joy can be found than in a world I know nothing about.

– S.C.C

“Sometimes I go to check pictures of our past. I go to see the proof that at one point you were there. But the photos I find are far fewer than I thought. Maybe I have been wrong this whole time. Because I truly made myself believe the was a second when you were mine.

– S. C. C

“Do you remember-”
“Yes”
— 
My happy times where theirs too.

– S. C. C.

“Here’s to those you walk life next to. Sometimes they steer off or you do. Sometimes you speed up or slow down. Sometimes you can hardly see them. But the foot prints are always there. Here’s to our life partners”

– S.C.C.

“He came back and I’m so happy. A friend reprimanded me- saying I shouldn’t forgive him. I laughed- as if it were a choice. He is apart of my soul. There is no sin that would make me want to forget him.”

– S.C.C

“I never give credit to the almosts. The boys I share long looks and long conversations with. The ones who don’t even last the night for one reason or another. But for whatever reason they are the most precious. We can write the endings- how we wish things had gone. We get to imagine that fate did us wrong. But those almost moments are amazing so damn full of depth. A stranger making you courageous and your courage being for the best.”

– S.c.c

“You had potential.
You could have been great. 
But darling you settled too soon.
Believed too easily. 
Loved too fast.”

– S. C. C.

I wander through darkness more than light
-But light is lighter than the brightest of brights.

– S. C. C.

“You, learned the world upside down. 
You learned to survive by wearing a crown.”

– S.C.C.

“Sticks and stones may break my bones , but your silence is killing me slowly.”

S.C.C

“So sick of apologizing
For things I did not do
So sick of crying
For things that shouldn’t hurt.
So sick of feeling proud
Of people who reject me.
So sick of having memories that make me envy the innocence and naivety of who I once was”

-S.C.C.